How to choose a gift for someone
Hi everyone,
I wrote the following guide for my own benefit, but maybe it’ll help you too — especially considering that it’s almost Christmas!
How to figure out what gift to buy for someone
- Get something they asked for
If the person has a wish list, get something off of that. - Get something you think they’d enjoy or would make them happy
People don’t put everything they’d enjoy on their wish list. Sometimes it’s obvious what a person would probably like.Be careful, though: Be certain you can actually picture someone enjoying what you’re giving them. Otherwise, they’ll be upset and they’ll also feel pressure to pretend they like the gift, for your benefit.
- Get something that would make their life easier/better/more magical
For example, if someone you know has weak circulation, you could get them electric socks or foot-warmers for the winter months. - Get something you can share together, like tickets to an event or a trip
It might be a good idea to pick and choose from each of these categories. For example, you could get two or three things on someone’s wish list, and then also get something that would make their lives better or easier. This way, the gifts are more surprising and exciting, and you really get an opportunity to show someone you care about them and thoughtfully bought gifts for them.
I would recommend, however, that you always get the person some things from their wish list.
Also, as an extra tip: Don’t hover over someone and express a lot of anticipation over them opening their presents. This may cause the person to feel pressured and scrutinized — and people should never have to feel that way when opening presents.
Auto Makers
So, since nobody knows what the hell is going on in our economy and everyone on Wall Street has switched into “Flip a Coin” mode, there’s a lot of uncertainty out there.
The “big three” US automakers have decided to take advantage of that uncertainty in order to get a lot of money for free.
Now, from what I can tell, banks are actually in trouble because they made a lot of really dumb financial decisions. And we, the people, have decided that, as much as we don’t want to reward this behavior, it’d be really nice if the banks didn’t fail, and we could still do things like buy houses and cars and go to school.
Automakers, on the other hand, simply make poor products that are losing on the open market. They’ve been making poor-quality, gas-guzzling cars for years, and rather than innovate, they’ve decided that they should ask the government for some of our money they’ve been giving to the banks.
Now, there’s no sound reason we should bail the auto-makers out. It’s their fault they’re where they are. But they’re taking advantage of the parlance of our times and are saying that they’re “too big to fail.”
If we end up agreeing that they’re too big to fail, it won’t be for the right reasons; it’ll essentially be an admittance that huge corporations are holding us hostage, and we better bail them out, or we’ll be screwed.
So if it’s true that these companies are “too big to fail,” the only solution is to prevent companies from growing too large.
The point of the free market isn’t that someone “wins” and all the sudden we’re left with one or two options; the point is that there’s always enough competition to keep products good and keep everyone honest. People aren’t perfect; we shouldn’t just trust that someone is going to treat us right — especially someone that is greedy enough to want the entire market for themselves.
Wakey Wakey
I’ve decided that most of the reason I’m in a bad mood on days when I haven’t gotten the amount of sleep I wanted, is mostly because of the things I tell myself once I wake up. “Today is going to be miserable, and I’m going to be in a terrible mood and I’ll get nothing done” is a very potent negative thought that I believe can ruin my day, if I let it.
I’ve been working through the book When Panic Attacks, and I’m coming to realize just how powerful my thoughts are. Negative thoughts perpetuate negative patterns I’ve picked up at some point in my life, much like a broken record.
Since I’ve started reading the book, I’ve had a day or two where I haven’t gotten much sleep, but once I noticed what I was telling myself, and cut it off, I ended up having just a good a day as any. So that’s nice!
Dreams of Claus — or, Claus Dreams
Look at this box. It looks like the reindeer is dreaming about Santa Claus.
No moleste
They specifically said not to play with this pink telephone suction cup deal (in two colors of ink!), but I did not see this until after the playing was accomplished.
See, going to the fabric store with your fiancée *can* be fun.
The School of Ordinary Spirituality
I’m going to start up a new “religion,” since none of the others work for me.
- Christianity, Islam, Judaism: Too much extra stuff (though I’d pick Judaism, I think. Seems like it comes with a close community)
- Buddhism: Seems kinda codependent
- Sikkhism: ???
- Taoism: Kinda old-timey
- Hinduism: Come on
Don’t get me wrong: All religions have great stuff in them. And they all kind of share the same basic fundamentals; in fact, I’d posit that you could take the things they share and get the core of all of them, and coincidentally, you’d get the whole of my new school of spirituality, The School of Ordinary Spirituality.
Because spirituality is a school: You have to continually learn about yourself — that’s our first rule. There really aren’t any other rules, because I don’t believe living life according to other peoples’ rules is very effective.
So, yeah. That’s pretty much it. You don’t have to donate anything (except maybe some Meetup.com dues). Just come on in, have a burger (or whatever; don’t give me that look, vegans), and play some ping-pong.
The Empty Life
I’m just now starting to realize what a different family experience I had than even people very close to me.
I had a cousin I was very close to. Every summer, his family, my family, and another family would meet at this cabin owned by my mom’s cousin. And I’d get very excited for these get-togethers — I’d feel a type of excitement that I’ve rarely felt as an adult.
Anyway, this cousin and I would spend most of the time hanging out and goofing off, and it was exquisite, but some mornings he and his dad (and I think my dad?) would go fishing, and since I didn’t really like fishing, they’d just go and I’d wait or do something else. And I remember feeling vaguely sad about this, and I’m starting to realize now that probably at least part of it is probably because my family was sort of empty, and me and my dad certainly never did anything together.
Me and my dad never did anything together. To this day, I’m so distant from my father that I don’t even know how to talk to him.
My mother had - and still has - alcoholism that would throw her into violent, guilt-laden, really inappropriate tirades on a daily basis. My dad wanted out of the family (and eventually did get out, once me and my sister were teenagers), and I don’t know that he and I ever had one “heart to heart talk,” did anything together (just the two of us), shared any hobby, talked about anything, or had any kind of relationship where I learned from him, felt close to him, or even developed any kind of opinion about him.
So I had an absent father and a self-absorbed, alcoholic mother. I guess it’s pretty obvious that I would have missed out on a few things.
But I’m just realizing now what the full payment of this abuse is; I’m thinking about that cousin of mine and all the times he must have played golf with his dad, or gone out for lunch, or just gone out for a drive — how many times they must have just had a conversation about life — and I realize how much of life I should have experience that I was cheated out of.
Kids should grow up in an environment where they feel enriched and safe; not in an environment where they constantly wonder what’s going on and what should be going on. An environment where you know what to expect. An environment where when you see one of your parents, you don’t alternately avoid them and rebut them. An environment where you feel close to your parents without the dangerous specter of enmeshment — so you can go to them, and bond with them. Kids should have these things for many reasons — one of which is so they can be themselves and develop their full personality.
My whole adult life I’ve had problems simply enjoying what I enjoy. I like programming, and I like reading, but I’ve alternated between not letting myself enjoy these things, and worrying that I should be doing something else besides doing them. Why did I feel this way? I won’t answer that now because the answer is an entire book unto itself. But I will say that it stems from depression, anxiety, and a profound lack of self-esteem. It comes from growing up in an Empty Life — in a extremely disjointed family.
I had a childhood that was unenriched. As a result, I came into the game with fewer resources than everyone else: No sense of self-reliance, self-esteem, and confidence. As an adult now, I’ve spent a lot of time rebuilding my life from the top down. I’ve had a lot of false starts, and it’s been a long time coming, but things are finally starting to come together.
My goal is to get to the point where I don’t still wonder why I’m no longer so close to my cousin. I want to get to the point where I enjoy what I enjoy and feel safe and confident in it. I want to get to the point where my wife, children and I share an enriched life, and my children grow up confident, secure, and happy. I want to actually do things with my kids. It’s going to take more learning yet, but I’ll get there.
Bbq set?
Late in May, 2008, I wrote a man on Craigslist that was known to go around and offer other people on Craigslist a “bbq set” instead of the cash they were seeking for items they had listed. The following is what transpired.
Bbq set?
12 messages
From: me Wed, May 21, 2008 at 1:39 PM
To: dadwith1son
Hey I heard you have a brand spankin new BBQ set? I’d classify my interest
at “high.”
Email me and lets talk deals.
Yan
From: dadwith1son Wed, May 21, 2008 at 1:41 PM
To: me
yes here it is
NEW! Char-Griller 2123 Wrangler Charcoal Grill / Smoker
BRAND NEW IN BOX NEVER USED
Product Features
Heavy Gauge Steel Construction and Double Bottom for Years of Use
Airtight Flanged Hood with Heat Gauge
Cast Iron Grates Provide Even Heat and Locks In Flavor
640 Sq In Total Cooking Area (435″ Main Grill + 200″ Warming Rack)
Adjustable Fire Grate for Easy Clean Up and Heat Control
Product Description
Amazon.com Review
Whether you’re a backyard barbecue hero or a professional chef cooking for big events, the Char-Griller Wrangler’s cavernous interior and even cooking temperatures wrangle up large quantities of delicious barbecue for any occasion. The Wrangler features 635 inches of cooking space to feed family, friends and neighbors. Heavy gauge steel and a double reinforced bottom offer years of dependable use. Cast iron grates distribute heat evenly, and sear meat perfectly to lock in juices and flavor. An adjustable fire grate makes it easy to control the heat, and an easy-dump ash pan makes cleaning up a snap. No more cumbersome tipping of the grill to clean out the ashes! A built-in heat gauge and an airtight, flanged hood make it easy to monitor and control cooking temperatures to ensure tenderness. Three handy shelves are great for storing utensils, spices, and sauces. The Wrangler is designed to accept rotisserie and side-fire-box attachments for a wide variety of versatile cooking applications. Large round legs offer sturdy support. A large drawer slides out and let’s you add coals without removing the grate. –Brian Olson
From the Manufacturer
The Wrangler is the perfect size for decks and patios, it has enough cooking space to feed your family and the neighbors. Over 600 sq. in. of total grilling area will let you feed a crowd! Made from heavy guage steel this grill will last for years. The cast iron grates give you an even heat and sears your meat to lock in the flavor. Our adjustable fire grate makes it easy to control the heat, and our easy dump ash pan makes cleaning up a snap. Just think, no more tipping over the grill to clean out the ashes! The heavy gauge steel construction and double bottom will give you years of dependable use. Features a built in heat gauge, airtight flanged hood, and 3 shelves. Rotisserie and Side Fire Box adaptable.
From: me Wed, May 21, 2008 at 1:43 PM
To: dadwith1son
Looks GREAT! What are you askin for it?
From: dadwith1son Wed, May 21, 2008 at 1:44 PM
To: me
100 did you see the ad on craigslist ?
Make every e-mail and IM count. Join the i’m Initiative from Microsoft.
From: me Wed, May 21, 2008 at 1:50 PM
To: dadwith1son
Hmm… will you consider trades?
From: dadwith1son Wed, May 21, 2008 at 1:51 PM
To: me
yes what do you have to offer?
Change the world with e-mail. Join the i’m Initiative from Microsoft.
From: me Wed, May 21, 2008 at 2:04 PM
To: dadwith1son
I have a collection of miniature trombones and a rusty bike with shattered spokes. Do either of those pique your interest?
Also I have a bowling ball that has a painting of a naked lady on it.
I have 4 lawn chairs that have been semi burned by a fire that got out of control.
I have seven bathring suits that have the penis netting scratched out.
Also I have a LOT of fireworks.
Want to hear more?
From: dadwith1son Wed, May 21, 2008 at 2:06 PM
To: me
any electronics or remote control cars or something?
From: me Wed, May 21, 2008 at 2:11 PM
To: dadwith1son
Actually, I used to have an RC helicopter until I crashed it into my neighbors pool. He was in it at the time, so the helicopter gave him a pretty good haircut.
As far as electronics, I have four gently-used hearing aids, a receiver with 12″ Cerwin Vega stand-up speakers, and an Xbox 360 that had some pancake dropped in it. Still works though, but the games smell like syrup.
From: dadwith1son Wed, May 21, 2008 at 2:14 PM
To: me
what’s the deal with the 360?
E-mail for the greater good. Join the i’m Initiative from Microsoft.
From: me Wed, May 21, 2008 at 2:18 PM
To: dadwith1son
It works fine, it just got “caught in the crossfire” during one of my delicious Saturday breakfasts. Have you ever played Splinter Cell with the rich, heady aroma of hickory maple syrup wafting in the breeze? It’s resplendent.
From: dadwith1son
To: Sean Gilbertson
would you want to trade that or what were you thinking?
I would never have made that turn like that.
I was driving around the other day and saw my exact same model and color of car in front of me.
Not many people own my car, and I’ve never seen anyone with the same color*, so this was kind of an amazing moment in my life. It was like watching myself 5 seconds in the future. Also, in the future, apparently I don’t drive so well, and I don’t have XM Radio any more. I guess I’ll have to watch my back.
(* Sort of an upper-class, classy hunter green, with sparkles.)
Office convo
This is what me and my co-workers talk about in instant messages all day:
(I’m the red one.)
