Friendly Chat
May 29th, 2009
I was talking to a friend on IM, when I was suddenly pelted with slanders based on the outdated and outmoded stereotypes of Minnesotan behavior. I struck back for Minnesotans everywhere:
php|tek 2009 Closing Keynote video
May 24th, 2009
Co-worker trouble
May 12th, 2009
Problem solved
April 21st, 2009
We had a problem user that was bothering other users, and there was a question as to what we should do with this person.
My suggestion was a brief email from Customer Service:
Dear [Problem User], Shut your ugly face. Just shut it. Nobody wants to be friends with you EVER. Everyone is out eating Blizzards and making fun of you.
I’d be great at Customer Service.
Microsoft wants to tell you what you can do with your computer
April 21st, 2009
Windows 7 “Starter Edition” comes with a restriction that only allows you to run three separate applications at once.
Are you pissed off yet?
Microsoft wants you to give them money for an operating system that holds you hostage.
And this blog post wants you to be okay with that.
That post is totally apologistic, and really pisses me off.
"Yeah, it’s not so bad that Microsoft is limiting what you do with your computer; you can totally have as many IE windows open as you want!" Really? Is this where we’re finally at with Microsoft? We’re letting them dictate what we do with our computers? Man, fuck that. If anyone expects me to hand over money I earned to someone who’s going to use it to tell me what I’m allowed to do with my own computer, they’re fucking crazy. I’ll run AmigaOS 1.0 before I run Windows 7.
And yet Windows has the biggest installed-base. I guess what’s really rewarded is cutthroat business tactics, rather than spending resources on innovation and actually competing fairly by creating a superior product. We have a word for that: it’s called cheating; gaming the system rather than playing it the way it’s meant to be played.
Before you know it, Windows will be charging you for every program you run. And then we’ll have bills in Congress deregulating the operating system.
Kudos for co-worker
April 9th, 2009
A friendly chat between me and a co-worker, admiring her recently-posted Employee Profile!
Chat
(2:59:22 PM) Me: Hey I saw your profile up in the brunch room
(2:59:52 PM) Co-worker: did you like it 
(3:00:21 PM) Me: I did
(3:00:24 PM) Me: except for all the cursing
(3:00:56 PM) Co-worker: what cursing?
(3:01:22 PM) Me: lotta swears
(3:01:38 PM) Me: it’s like a sailor wrote it while on shore leave
(3:02:06 PM) Co-worker: I don’t think you were reading mine
(3:02:36 PM) Me: it had a picture of you giving the "bird"
If programming languages were drugs
March 15th, 2009
C – Caffeine
It’s cheap and it’s ubiquitous. It ain’t exactly safe, but at least its effects are predictable, and there’s a general agreement that it’s just the de facto drug of choice.
Assembly – Cocaine
It’s faster than C, but it’s also scary, so not many people are going to do it with you.
Ada – LSD
Ada and LSD were both created by the government in order to punish people (and coincidentally, they were both created for military purposes). You’ll see strange things, but you won’t like ‘em.
Ruby – Ecstacy
It’s what the kids do, it’s colorful, and it makes people happy. However, like ecstacy, the morning after a Ruby hit will leave you forlorn and depressed, as your happiness fades and you realize that Ruby is just another programming language.
Perl – Magic Mushrooms
You’re going to see a lot of things that don’t make a lot of sense, but repeated exposure isn’t going to elucidate anything.
Java – Clove cigarettes
It’s safer, but it’s also not much fun after the first few times.
Mix: SPRING09
March 11th, 2009
Hi everyone,
I’ve created a new mix CD for your enjoyment. Have a great Spring!!
Download the CD
http://lavalantern.org/mix_spring09/
Track listing
01 - MGMT - Time To Pretend.mp3
02 - Jackson and His Computer Band - Hard Tits.mp3
03 - Junkie XL - Not Enough.mp3
04 - Sigur Ros - Saeglopur.mp3
05 - Dr. Dog - The Breeze.mp3
06 - Friends of Dean Martinez - Dusk.mp3
07 - The Sounds - Night After Night.mp3
08 - Kings of Leon - I Want You.mp3
09 - A Man Called Adam - Easter Song.mp3
10 - Stars - Ageless Beauty.mp3
Get your Hovie’s on
March 9th, 2009
At my work, a couple of co-workers and I enjoy going to this restaurant in Eagan called Hovie’s. They sell bargain-basement sandwiches in a diner/lunch counter atmosphere. If a $4 club sandwich while watching Maury is your idea of heaven, Hovie’s may be the place for you.
We get to talking about our love of Hovie’s now and then, and today was no different (I’m in red):
Bagel debacle
March 6th, 2009
At my work, people buy bagels when it’s someone’s birthday. An odd way to celebrate, but people generally go for it.
At about mid-morning I decided I’d go grab one, only to discover that my favorite, and arguably best flavor - “cinnamon cruncher” (my name) – was all gone. I wasn’t surprised, since they only buy like 2 or 3 of them (for a 30-person office), and that led to the following IM exchange (I’m in red):
